Kansas City Freelance Writer Liz Craig

Sock monkey and his friends take a fun-filled road trip from Las Vegas to NYC in a new Kia Sorento. Love the sock monkey riding a mechanical bull and getting a tatto sewn on. Music is by The Heavy, “How You LIke Me Now.” The spot’s humor drives home the selling message: Hey, you can cut loose and have a ball when you have a 2011 Kia Sorento! Imagine it targets older teens or early 20s, though almost anyone this side of 70 would enjoy the fun these toys are having.

Another 2011 Sorento ad features a family traveling through a forest mysteriously furnished with framed family photographs, furniture and fixtures. Tag line: “Feel at home wherever you go.” It’s okay but much more laid-back than the monkeyshines spot. Aimed at families with kids, apparently.

What about the sock monkey spot? How you like it now?

If you’re like me, you get dozens of e-mails, newsletters and notices in your Inbox every day. You’re on every social media vehicle, from LinkedIn to Plaxo to Twitter and Facebook. I have at least three e-mail accounts, and I write three blogs. Does it ever get to you? I mean, all the “keeping up with” you have to do?

Well, it gets to me.

You can’t not be on these things, but dang, they’re time-suckers. A person has to have time to do paying work, not just check the Inbox every 20 minutes to delete messages to avoid being buried in e-mail. And these are messages I WANTED. Like the NY Times twice-daily news update. Twitter messages (If Guy Kawasaki doesn’t quit tweeting, I’m dropping him.). Minutes from a meeting. Stuff I need to pay attention to.

But as I was saying, if you’re like me, you may be fed up with social media. I’m a Boomer, so I figure there must be millions of other Boomers who are fed up, too.

Here’s my prediction for 2011: Enough people will be fed up with social media that they’ll start meeting face-to-face with friends, family and clients. Yes. It will come to that.

Remember that old out-of-fashion thing called “conversation?” Not tweets or e-mails or Facebook blurbs? but an ongoing exchange of verbal messages, accompanied by real facial expressions instead of emoticons, conducted while the parties thereto are in the same room?

I have hundreds of “friends” on all these social media, but how often do I do friend things with them? Almost never. Unless I go to a Meetup, another social media-driven thing. I joined a Board Games Meetup, and if I ever go, it should be real person-to-person fun.

In 2011, when social media dies and F2F becomes the new thing, remember you heard it here first.

Ted Turner:
“Early to bed and early to rise, work like hell and advertise.”

Apple’s Steve Jobs:
“The only thing that works is management by values. Find people who are competent and really bright, but more importantly, people who care exactly about the same things you care about.”

Jimi Hendrix:
“Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.”

If you’re looking for a freelance writer, designer, Web person, or other creative, please, PLEASE do not hire one from Guru.com. Or Elance.com.

I belonged to each of these outfits for a short time and found that the whole concept is designed to suck money out of a creative person’s bank account for the privilege of bidding against fellow creatives for projects and driving the cost of creative work down, down, down to the depths of hell.

If Guru.com or Elance.com were a Roman amphitheater, you’d be one of thousands of snarling, slavering creative lions in there killing each other for a bite of Christian. Blood and guts everywhere — not the Christians’, but the lions’.

Keep in mind you’re bidding against people in India, China and some faraway places with strange-sounding names, where a dollar can buy a week’s worth of food. You can find a writer there (or even here, if you’re talking about a jobless teen living in his parents’ basement) who will write 20 500-word blog articles for $15.00.

How much time do you think those writers spend on “research” or “polishing” their prose? Or even “thinking?” Nada, that’s how much. The same is true of some writers for low-paying content mills like DemandStudios.com and Examiner.com*. Recently, I read a supposedly informative article from Examiner.com. I could have pulled better content out of my nose.

At a recent manufacturing conference, one attendee piped up, “I found a marketing manager on Guru.com!” I groaned. “She’s really good, too!” he claimed. I wonder whether an engineer knows what a good marketing manager is. What a miracle if it turned out to be the lowest bidder on Guru.com.

If you are looking for creative help, please don’t get writers around the globe slashing at each others’ throats to snag a cheap job. ‘Cause the only kind of work you’ll get is… cheap. And probably bad. You get what you pay for, and if you pay a decent rate, you’ll usually get decent writing, design, or other creative work. And you may even develop a productive long-term relationship with the creative you hire.

Don’t go global for creative help. Outsourcing is bad, especially when there’s plenty of great talent right here in the good ol’ U.S.A. Be a patriot — Buy American! Thank you!

*Qualification: I have read at least one excellent blog post by an Examiner.com writer I know. Quality at Examiner.com is not always bad, but it is variable.

The fantasies of 50s sci-fi are coming true! I’m wearing a lead helmet from now on.

DUKE (US)—A new generation of marketing experts may be able to test a product’s appeal while it is still being designed using advanced techniques to see the human brain in action.

So-called “neuromarketing” takes the tools of modern brain science, like the functional MRI, and applies them to the somewhat abstract likes and dislikes of customer decision-making.

[Read more here.]

Advertising a laundry list of product features doesn’t tell the prospective customer how the product or service being advertised can fix a problem he or she is having. So smart advertisers always ask, “Where’s the pain?”

Are you underwater on your mortgage? Do you have migraine headaches? Is your dog getting fleas all over your house? These are pains a product or service might solve.

It doesn’t always have to be a major pain. One of the smartest new products I’ve seen is the taco shell with a flat bottom. It lets you stand the taco up on the plate while you add the fillings. And if you put it down to take a drink of water, it won’t fall over and spill meat and lettuce all over the table, chairs and floor.

Where’s the pain? For the mom, it’s having to clean up after her kids on taco night. The flat-bottomed shells eliminate most of the mess. A time-saver, a tension-tamer, a neater way to eat tacos, wow! Why did no one think of this before? Maybe because nobody bothered to ask, “Where’s the pain?” for the consumer (the mom, who usually does the grocery shopping).

Pain relief in taco shell form. Brilliant! So it’s not just advertising that makes the sale; it’s also a smart new product idea. But the bottom line, for manufacturers and creators of advertising, is the same: Where’s the pain? and how can we make it go away? If you can answer those two questions and follow up to create a product or message customers see as some kind of salvation, you’re in business. Otherwise, you’re just a me-too. And nobody wants to be that.

Why should we build our personal brands? So when someone hears our name, they instantly think, “Ah, that’s the person who (does or is something specific).” Like, “Ah, Jane Frogge. She’s the one who helped my friend get a job last fall.” Or, “Ah, John Jantsch, that’s the guy who created Duct Tape Marketing.” Or, “Susan Gorman, she’s the one who pitched in to help with my son’s bake sale for Haiti relief.”

Oscar Wilde said, “The only bad publicity is an obituary.” But short of that, there are plenty of so-so or unfocused (even negative) “reviews” of you out there for people to hear, unless you’re consciously building your personal brand around positive attributes, accomplishments, or emotional values. What value can you be to others? That’s the question your personal branding should answer.

In this article, seven experts share their secrets for building their personal brands. Well worth reading.

On the other hand, I have a love-hate relationship with the word, “branding.” So many people use it to mean “a logo.” But it’s so much more than that. In this article, Josh Kaufman says “branding” is an overrated buzzword. But then he offers several tips as to how to improve your reputation, which is really what it’s all about.

So it’s up to you to create compelling advertising for a product. All the information you have to go on is a list of product features in a brochure. It does this, it looks like this, it costs this much. Really basic stuff. But you want to get prospective customers excited enough about your product to buy it. Just describing its features the way Mr. Spock would — from intellectual observation — won’t do the trick. You have to find a benefit in the product that will show prospects they need, want or desire it.

So how do you turn features into benefits? By following the WIIFM method. “What’s in it for me?” is the first question the prospect will ask. And it’s the crucial question you must answer. A fact sheet for a banana might list features like “attractive yellow hue,” “soft texture,” “delicious flavor,” etc. But does that make you want to buy a banana? If you’ve never heard of it before? No. Only if it has a benefit for you. In selling, WIIFM (What’s In It For Me) applies to bananas and every other thing under the sun.

“What do I need a banana for?” your prospect asks.

You reply, “Well, bananas are delicious and handy to take on a trip, ’cause they have their own wrapper. They’re great for snacks or sliced on cereal. Each banana has only 100 calories and no fat. They provide the potassium you need every day to stay healthy. And they’re natural and unprocessed, with no food additives. Oh, and by the way, kids love ‘em.”

“Okay, sounds pretty good, but I’m looking for new menu ideas. Got any?”

“You can make fantastic banana nut bread with it, or ring a fruit salad with alternating slices of banana and kiwi, or — well, here — here’s our new banana cookery booklet, ‘Go Bananas With Bananas!’ There are literally hundreds of ways you can use bananas in salads and desserts!”

“All right — I’m sold!”

What’s the difference between a feature and a benefit? A feature is a “so what?”, while a benefit is the “what’s in it for me?”, the sizzle of the steak, the one thing that makes prospective customers sit up and take notice.

The old AIDA formula still holds:

• Attention

You must get the prospect’s attention so they’ll listen to your message. A great visual, a compelling headline, or on TV or radio, a curious sound (or silence)…

• Interest

You must tell him or her something that interests him or her in your product. Some way to use it to solve a problem, some way the product enhances their life, makes them look more attractive, saves them money…

• Desire

What would make your targeted prospect desire the product? (Better health, wealth, quality of life, convenience, deliciousness, fun?)

• Action

You’ve hit the prospect with the benefits that should appeal to them. If they have a need that your product can fill, then they may go out and buy it.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It is, but often, advertisers present a list of features, thinking surely the prospect can figure out how the features are beneficial to them. It’s best not to count on their taking the time to connect the dots.

So as an advertiser creating a campaign, always ask, “What does my prospective customer need this (product or service) for?” If you can’t think of an answer, well… think harder.

It always makes me feel warm and safe when I send out invoices at the end of the month or at the end of a project. But I get a cold chill when I realize that most clients don’t pay me for another month.

Is there a way around this time-lag between billing and receiving the money?

Some smaller clients who have control of their checkbooks will write a check sooner. But big companies with Accounts Payable people seem to drag their big corporate feet. Either that, or it takes that long to go through the maze of corporate bookkeeping.

The bills I get are due within a week or two. Like for utilities, insurance, mortgage payments and other things. At the Quik-Trip, it’s pay right then or go home hungry. So why do big companies get the big breaks?

If anybody has devised a system for being paid sooner than 30 days later, please share.

Y’see, I have an interest-bearing checking account. And for every day my receivables are delayed, I’m forfeiting interest! Actually losing money! So what should I do, charge clients my unearned interest for 30 days?

What do you do? I’d really love to know.

The Geico “pothole” spot for emergency road repair always makes me giggle. Yeah, I like hick humor, okay? I hoot at “My Name is Earl,” Bill Engvall’s “There’s Your Sign” and Ron White’s “They Call Me Tater Salad,” too. I grew up in Mexico, MO, “Little Dixie,” so it can’t be helped.

But to salvage my cultural credentials, I also like Monty Python and Black Adder. And Restoration comedies. Well, some of them. Did that save my credentials or damage them further?