Kansas City Freelance Writer Liz Craig

My little feathered companion, Buster the Parakeet, just didn’t look himself last week. Puffed up like a little ball of feathers, his eyelids drooping, he looked miserable. And I didn’t know what to do.

A Web search yielded lots of different treatments. Keep him in an 80- or 90-degree environment; cover three sides of his cage, put a 60-watt light bulb right next to him. Make sure the air has at least 40% humidity. Who the heck knows? But I started the humidifier just to be safe.

The old sure-fire cure of antibiotic in his drinking water failed to un-puff him. And he didn’t seem to be eating, so I gave him a millet spray. He went after it like a millet addict. He denuded one spray in a matter of minutes. So I gave him another. The next day, another. Then, last night, hallelujah! his puffiness had mostly receded. Except… doesn’t his chest still look puffy? Yes, he looked like a puffer pigeon. More research. The closest answer to what might be wrong: sour crop. That sounds awful. It’s like a super tummy-ache caused by food getting stuck in the crop instead of going through. And the cause could be — MILLET! Gack! I was killing my little Buster with kindness!

It all brought back traumatic memories of the time I killed a dear cockatiel by feeding him the wrong diet. It didn’t help that the bird vet (a mean woman indeed) told me the bird’s liver was “the size of Cleveland” and went on a rant about how people don’t know how to feed birds. I told her he liked bird seed, and she said, “Of course he does! It’s like popcorn!” Who knew? I shudder to remember how my beloved Jou-Jou died right in the vet’s hand as I watched. It couldn’t possibly be happening again!

So no more millet, and Buster’s chest looks less puffy today. He actually chirped a few times yesterday, which is a good sign, since he’s normally a little chatterbox and operatic singer all day long.

We’ll see what today brings. I long to hear his pleasant chirpings. They create the happy soundtrack for my workday. Now, if I can just quit doing the wrong thing, I expect I’ll hear it again very soon.

You go, Buster!

The first time a new client offered me a couple hundred bucks upfront, I was surprised. Of course, I accepted the money (My motto: Never say “no” to money a client offers you, unless it’s to carry out a Mob hit.).

But I still wasn’t convinced it was necessary. After all, if you and the client hit it off, a long-term relationship seems probable, and they seem solid enough to pay you for work done, why bother?

Well, here’s why: It’s a gesture of good faith. It’s also a token of their esteem for you. And, like an engagement ring, it’s a symbol of engagement. You’re together, and you expect to stay together—at least until your fees for work done have exhausted the upfront retainer.

So there’s another question: Is the upfront retainer to be taken in addition to hourly fees or not? I favor the idea that it’s a down payment on work to be done, not a signing bonus. My Midwestern work ethic just won’t let me take money for not doing anything. But it also balks at doing anything for no money.

If a client wants to solidify his/her relationship with me, sure, I’ll take a small retainer upfront. If not, that’s okay, too. I’m easy to work with.

One thing I have been doing, though, is asking a new client to sign an “Engagement Agreement” setting out certain understandings about my fees and what types of activities they cover, billing procedures, payment, late payment fees, and so on. It gets everything on the table, so there are no surprises later.

Getting a written agreement from a client is a good idea (and less heavy than the Contract I tried that caused new clients to have instant panic attacks). But my business manager is telling me I still need to:

(a) ask for retainers upfront without blinking;
(b) turn down “spec” jobs, unless they’re for causes I support; and
(b) raise my fees to their pre-recession levels.

But my business manager is me, and I tend to ignore me. So if you’re thinking of hiring a Kansas City freelance writer, better do it now, while my business manager is in sleep mode.

If you’re looking for a freelance writer, take a look at me. Or rather, some of my work. It’s on this very website, under “Portfolio.” But look, I’m more than the projects I’ve done for clients, see? I have had a life outside of work. A fun life. You won’t see this in my bio, but during my UMKC days, I was involved with a comedy improvisation company (maybe the first in KC).

During a riotous year working with the improv group, I wrote satirical songs (good practice for jingles later), sketches (good practice for TV scripts later), and acted as assistant director and emcee (good practice for life later). I had a ball and made lifelong friends.

But back to the career… Starting out with a degree in Radio & TV Writing/Production, my first job was in advertising. For several years, I worked on new product development and advertising, learning lots from marketing directors of Fortune 500 companies. I got to use my radio and TV commercial skills at that first job, then eventually moved to Omaha to work at Bozell. The less said about that the better. I was lucky enough to be hired by another Omaha agency, not a big one like Bozell, but home to most of the biggest clients in town. A great small agency with a staff of fabulous small people. And one mean 6’7″ art director.

Soon after I got to Omaha, I felt the lure of the footlights again, so I pursued community theater acting. My first role was as the title character in “I Remember Mama.” Wow. That was a nightmare, with dozens (it seemed) of wardrobe changes and no prop or wardrobe person. The Swedish accent was the least of my challenges!

I did a whole lot of radio and TV work at the Omaha agency for 10 years. Our clients were retailers, hospitals, car dealers, supermarkets, a pizza chain, more hospitals, and Ak-Sar-Ben race track, for which I got to write and produce a series of TV spots featuring Jack Klugman, who is quite a horseman. I’ll tell you, he is a swell guy, but he really gets grumpy when you try to feed him blueberry bagels (Oy!) at 6 a.m., which was 4 a.m. his time, LA time.

The Ak-Sar-Ben account was mine, and I loved it because I’d ridden horses back home in Mexico, Missouri, “Saddlehorse Capital of the World.” I wrote and produced 60-second radio commercials featuring educational bits about horse racing. Like, “What are those things jockeys put underneath the horses’ saddles?” (Answer: weights) Then I got homesick for Kansas City and came back. After relatively brief stints at three good writing jobs, I became a Kansas City freelance writer in 2001. So here I am.

The improv company wasn’t the end of my love of humor. When clients would let me, I’ve injected it into projects. I created two animated French pizza chefs in TV spots, humorous greeting cards for college students, Omaha Visitors and Convention Bureau TV spots (One featured a guy dressed up as a potato, saying how your company won’t be treated like small potatoes if you have your convention or meeting in Omaha. Okay, maybe that’s really not the best example. Take a listen to my radio spots, under “Portfolio.”).

In my advertising and marketing life, I’ve done ads, brochures, catalog copy, direct mail, billboards, bus benches (Don’t laugh; they’re a big deal in Omaha.), window signs, radio and TV commercials, video promos, articles and advertorials. There must be some other stuff, too, but I can’t remember it all.

These days, of course, like every other advertising or marketing person in Kansas City (and around the world), I’m involved with social media and Web writing. Also, surprisingly enough, I’m doing professional proofreading for a giant investment company. Looking as professional as you are is important, companies are beginning to find out, and that means sending out communications that are properly punctuated and spelled. I had hoped the pain of diagramming sentences in school would pay off eventually. But really, who knew that much later, a lot of people wouldn’t be able to tell a noun from an onion? That used to be the province of “secretaries.” Guess what? Everyone’s their own secretary now, since computers.

Well, enough of this. If you’re looking for an experienced freelance writer in Kansas City, you’ve come to the right spot. I’ve won awards, both in Kansas City and in Omaha, but I’m more about winning business for clients. Give me a call at 913.236.7595 if that sounds good to you. Or invite me to your place to put on an improv demonstration.

I look forward to talking with you and working with you.

Before I tell you my fave spots, let me register my discontent with the eagerly anticipated (by me) e*trade baby spot.

Unlike the edgy, irreverent baby in the “Golf” spot (Love that kid!), this baby was downright cuddly and sweet. He told how he and his tailor (!), a nice old Italian gentleman (Antonio!), were both doing well on e*trade and ended by patting him on the cheek and shushing him with a chubby forefinger.

NO! The baby’s gotta have edge! I call this commercial epic fail! Are we so sensitized to name-calling and rudeness now that we can’t use them for comic purposes? Shame, because there goes half of the comedy lexicon.

Others in the ad world think differently (the dummies who tapped the Bud Light spots as the best), but to my mind, the VW commercials were light-years ahead of the rest. And the best VW commercial was “The Force,” starring a tyke in a Darth Vader costume trying his Force on exercise machinery, the dog, even a baby doll, all to no avail. The kid is really bummed ’til his dad helps him out by secretly starting the Passat in the driveway via a remote starter. Funny, charming, and effective. Who could ask for anything more?

Often, I come across a minor proofreading glitch in the Kansas City Star. But seldom does the Star misspell a headline in 40-point type. It’s like screaming “I’m an idiot!” Take a look at this monstrous blunder which appeared in the Green Bay Press-Gazette recently.

What’s the best way to rise in the Google page rankings? That’s the question I get asked. And I always say, “Blogging frequently and relevantly.” So why don’t I follow my own advice? Well, lately I’ve been busy with paying work. But that’s no excuse.

The project of this week may be done next week. The gaping maw of living expenses, like Seymour’s steroidal plant, Audrey, keeps screaming, “FEED ME!” And if you don’t keep blogging or otherwise changing content on your website, new clients might not find you on the Internets. So I say to all freelancers and independent contractors, even if you’ve got paying work today, keep on a-blogging to get work tomorrow.

You remember the familiar story about the ant and the grasshopper. When the grasshopper had collected enough food to feed him for a day, he kicked back under a big tree on a fallen leaf patio chair with a tall green grass Slushy close at hand, and now and then he would scratch out a happy tune on a miniscule violin. While he was hanging out, he observed an ant scurrying around feverishly, out of the anthill to forage, back with a leaf or a bug on his head to the anthill, and then out again to forage.

After observing about 30 of the ant’s round-trips, the grasshopper yawned and said, “Hey, ant. You’ll work yourself to death that way, dummy. Why not chill out, like me?”

The ant came to a halt, the leaf on his head quivering, and addressed the grasshopper.

“Well, grasshopper, I’ll tell you why,” the ant said, in a rather sharp tone. “All of us foragers keep working to gather enough food to feed the ant colony through the winter. When it gets cold, and there’s no food to forage, we’ll be inside the anthill, cozy and well-fed. Meanwhile, you’ll be freezing your fat rear and starving out here because you’re lazy and short-sighted. And that stupid fiddle won’t help you one bit!”

The grasshopper laughed and said, “Oh, fiddle-de-dee! I have enough food for today. I can’t worry about tomorrow, let alone winter!”

The ant scurried away, calling back over his shoulder, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, grasshopper!”

And so blustery winter came, and one day the grasshopper, shivering and hungry, rapped on the anthill door. The industrious ant opened the door, and the grasshopper begged to be let in to warm up and get some food. “Go away, freeloader! I warned you!” screamed the ant, slamming the door on one of the grasshopper’s antennae and snapping it off. Then, just as the ant had predicted, the grasshopper froze his fat rear and starved to death.

Moral: If you have a blog, keep blogging. Because you may have paying work today, but who knows about tomorrow? And you can’t count on ants to help you.

If you are simply “on LinkedIn,” is that enough? Well, no.

There’s a lot more functionality to LinkedIn than you may be using, and there are a few LinkedIn tricks that could help you get a job or a project or make an important connection. Here are three more.

• Enhance your search engine results.

Did you know your LinkedIn profile lets you publicize websites? You have “My Website” and My Company,” and if you chose “Other,” you can change the name of the link. To publicize your personal blog, search-engine-optimize the link by putting your name or keywords into the link. Be sure your public profile setting is set to “Full View.”

• Perform blind, “reverse,” and company reference checks.

You know, of course, that companies check your references and any other info they can find on you before hiring you. How about using LinkedIn to check the info of the person who might become your boss?

Also, wouldn’t you like to know why the person who previously held the position you’re interviewing for left the company? You can use LinkedIn to find that out, too. Search for the job title and company. Be sure “Current titles only” is unchecked. You can contact people who used to hold the position and find out about the job, manager and growth potential, sez Guy. You might avoid a sweatshop, a crazy boss, or a company on the skids by doing a little checking.

• Increase the relevancy of your job search.

With LinkedIn’s advanced search, you can find out where people with your education and work experience work. Use search keywords that pertain to your skills. For example, if I’m a Web content creator, I would search that term and variations of it, plus “writer,” Web writer,” “copywriter,” and so on, to find out which companies employ people with my skills. Then I can check their websites for “Careers” or contact their HR person to inquire about openings.

Part 3, the final four tips, will be here tomorrow. Tune in.

Well, social media marketing certainly is something. Something that’s gotten very big, very quickly. Just look at the avalanche of Web articles about it, blogs and Webinars about it. And the strips of marketing messages you see on the nearly every blog or website you visit.

But I’m hearing lately from some quarters that although social media marketing is part of many marketing plans, it’s not necessarily the whole plan. Not for all products and services. And not for all audiences.

The headline on an article asks, “Can Marketers Catch Up With Millennials?” But my question is, “How many marketers are wrongly using social media marketing to promote products and services to the so-called
“millennials” (ages 18-34) and ignoring their natural target audiences, who also use social media?”

Millennials get almost all their info and social interaction from Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and other Web vehicles. But take a look at the article and bar charts here indicating who uses social media, by age group.

Notice that a whopping 71% of users aged 35-44 in this study also use social media. Even among the doddering 45-54 group, a 59% majority use social media. Over 55, the number drops to a still respectable 43%, and the overall total is impressive: 64% of Internet users of all ages in the study use social media.

So why are so many marketers so hot to use social media marketing to reach 18-34-year-olds?

May I suggest that this age group is a great target audience for hip new electronic toys and phones, but not a very good target audience for plumbing supplies, industrial machinery, construction materials, architectural designs, group health insurance, senior mobility products, hospitals, CPA firms, and so on. Customers for these products and services tend to rely less on Internet sources for information and more on print media, radio and TV, and of course, peer recommendations (number one trusted information resource across the board).

So what I’m hearing more and more lately are whispers of, “Advertising is coming back.” And I’ve seen this article just today, advising B2B marketers to keep an open mind to media other than social media for marketing. Heresy? Not to those who want to spend their budgets most effectively to reach their target customers.

The fact is, advertising has never gone away. But because of the “real and honest” tone of successful social media marketing programs, it’s had to change its tone. The era of “yell, tell and sell” is long over. Today, whether marketing messages are delivered online, on paper, on TV, on radio or on billboards, they need to engage users with relevant content and try to start a conversation that leads to a customer relationship.

So I’m glad to discuss social media marketing with a client, and I may also suggest other media that can reach their target audience. Especially in B2B, you can’t count on a C-level decision-maker to keep up with Twitter, Facebook, or even LinkedIn. Yes, they may read online business articles, but they also read printed magazines, and they watch TV at home, don’t they?

In summary, not every potential customer is a millennial. We need to keep open minds social media marketing AND other media to reach those who fall into other age brackets, psychographics and demographics.

Nielsen provides an annual survey on “Trust and Advertising,” rating various media on their ability to earn trust from consumers. Here’s a SlideShare of the global report from 2009. You’ll have to tease out the info for America, but there are some facts that apply globally.

What do you think? Are some marketers are mistakenly running after millennials and marketing via social media their audiences may never see? Or are some marketers stuck in the past and ignoring the potential of social media AND other media to reach their target audiences?

After writing on consumer packaged goods accounts at ad agencies for years, I think I understand the concept of “brand” pretty well. It’s more than a logo, it’s the promise a product stands for. What I have a harder time getting is how branding extends to your own person.

Marketers used to adopt spokespeople, animals or things to represent the fine qualities of their canned goods, frozen food, air conditioning units or what-have-you. Their product brand’s virtues. The Unique Selling Propositions.

• In consumer packaged goods, you had Mr. Clean, that handsome brute in white, representing the ultimate cleanliness you could achieve by using the product.

• Ajax laundry detergent was “stronger than dirt,” championed by a knight on a white horse as a jingle drilled the key phrase into our heads.

• The Jolly Green Giant was friendly, green and out standing in his field (sorry for the pun). He represented garden-fresh vegetables in cans or frozen. Ho ho ho!

• Poppin’ Fresh was a literal dough boy representing dough that popped out of a can when you rapped it on the edge of the counter. The name is ingenious — the unique selling proposition in two words — and the spokesdough unforgettable. But for me, the little guy was too cutesy, especially when he giggled. I wanted that finger that poked him in the tum-tum to poke all the way through. Am I the only one? I am? Okay.

• The Keebler elves are gently mischievous and fun. The adorable little cartoon people appeal to kids, who beg their parents to buy the cookies. But since the parents grew up with the elves, it’s not too hard a sale. That’s the power of a strong brand with an appealing image that remains consistent over time. A quality product doesn’t hurt, either.

The point of all this is, I understand conveying a product’s qualities via a brand symbol of some kind. What I don’t get very well is how to do this “personal branding” thing for myself.

What if I adopted a spokesthing to represent me? No, that’s so yesterday. R.I.P. Charlie the Tuna, Reddy Electric and Speedy Alka-Seltzer. Besides, what kind of animal or other creature would represent a writer? A mole who digs for just the right phrase? A brain whose frontal lobe lights up like a Christmas tree, to represent creative ideas sparking? A pen that flies? A computer with a thought bubble? Naah. To build a personal brand today, you use different tactics.

Oddly enough, a personal brand today is something you construct, not in person, but through social media. I just read an article about “7 Ways to Start Building Your Personal Brand for Free.” These suggestions sound helpful. But in the advertising or marketing business, at least, there’s no substitute for getting to know people. In person, not online.

Social media “personal branding” tactics can be a helpful part of your overall strategy. But it’s important also to get out and get to know people, either in networking groups, industry meetings or social settings. If the only close relationship you have is with your computer, that’s not good.

There’s an old sales formula that still is valid: people have to Know, Like and Trust you before they give you business. Just makes sense, doesn’t it?