If you’re looking for a freelance writer, take a look at me. Or rather, some of my work. It’s on this very website, under “Portfolio.” But look, I’m more than the projects I’ve done for clients, see? I have had a life outside of work. A fun life. You won’t see this in my bio, but during my UMKC days, I was involved with a comedy improvisation company (maybe the first in KC).

During a riotous year working with the improv group, I wrote satirical songs (good practice for jingles later), sketches (good practice for TV scripts later), and acted as assistant director and emcee (good practice for life later). I had a ball and made lifelong friends.

I started out as a writer/producer for ad agencies

Acting!

I did a lot of TV spots in Omaha. Radio, too.

Some horses get weights, to make the race fair to all.

The improv company wasn’t the end of my love of humor. When clients would let me, I’ve injected it into projects. I created two animated French pizza chefs in TV spots, humorous greeting cards for college students, Omaha Visitors and Convention Bureau TV spots (One featured a guy dressed up as a potato, saying how your company won’t be treated like small potatoes if you have your convention or meeting in Omaha. Okay, maybe that’s really not the best example. Take a listen to my radio spots, under “Portfolio.”).

In my advertising and marketing life, I’ve done ads, brochures, catalog copy, direct mail, billboards, bus benches (Don’t laugh; they’re a big deal in Omaha.), window signs, radio and TV commercials, video promos, articles and advertorials. There must be some other stuff, too, but I can’t remember it all.

These days, of course, like every other advertising or marketing person in Kansas City (and around the world), I’m involved with social media and Web writing. Also, surprisingly enough, I’m doing professional proofreading for a giant investment company. Looking as professional as you are is important, companies are beginning to find out, and that means sending out communications that are properly punctuated and spelled. I had hoped the pain of diagramming sentences in school would pay off eventually. But really, who knew that much later, a lot of people wouldn’t be able to tell a noun from an onion? That used to be the province of “secretaries.” Guess what? Everyone’s their own secretary now, since computers.

Well, enough of this. If you’re looking for an experienced freelance writer in Kansas City, you’ve come to the right spot. I’ve won awards, both in Kansas City and in Omaha, but I’m more about winning business for clients. Give me a call at 913.236.7595 if that sounds good to you. Or invite me to your place to put on an improv demonstration.

I look forward to talking with you and working with you.

If you are simply “on LinkedIn,” is that enough? Well, no.

There’s a lot more functionality to LinkedIn than you may be using, and there are a few LinkedIn tricks that could help you get a job or a project or make an important connection. Here are three more.

• Enhance your search engine results.

Did you know your LinkedIn profile lets you publicize websites? You have “My Website” and My Company,” and if you chose “Other,” you can change the name of the link. To publicize your personal blog, search-engine-optimize the link by putting your name or keywords into the link. Be sure your public profile setting is set to “Full View.”

• Perform blind, “reverse,” and company reference checks.

You know, of course, that companies check your references and any other info they can find on you before hiring you. How about using LinkedIn to check the info of the person who might become your boss?

Also, wouldn’t you like to know why the person who previously held the position you’re interviewing for left the company? You can use LinkedIn to find that out, too. Search for the job title and company. Be sure “Current titles only” is unchecked. You can contact people who used to hold the position and find out about the job, manager and growth potential, sez Guy. You might avoid a sweatshop, a crazy boss, or a company on the skids by doing a little checking.

• Increase the relevancy of your job search.

With LinkedIn’s advanced search, you can find out where people with your education and work experience work. Use search keywords that pertain to your skills. For example, if I’m a Web content creator, I would search that term and variations of it, plus “writer,” Web writer,” “copywriter,” and so on, to find out which companies employ people with my skills. Then I can check their websites for “Careers” or contact their HR person to inquire about openings.

Part 3, the final four tips, will be here tomorrow. Tune in.

Did I rant about this before? If so, I’m still fuming, and still incredulous that this product made it to a store shelf near you.

In my salad days, I worked for a company that developed new product concepts that led to the manufacture of useful products. Well, except for new RJR cigarette brands, but back then, everybody smoked, so it was just a matter of whose cancer stick they smoked. But I digress.

There is a product on the market now that has such a brain-dead premise I can’t believe a bunch of focus group participants gave it the green light without being heavily drugged. Its appeal is based on the now-universal fear of GERMS.

People used to think a few germs couldn’t do you much harm. Now, we don’t want those tiny biological terrorists near us or our kids, no way, no how. If we could seal ourselves inside plastic bubbles as we went about our lives, we’d be oh so happy and feel oh so secure.

I must say germs have gotten a bad rap lately, and perhaps undeservedly. Remember when kids used to play in plain old DIRT? They used to ingest some of it, either intentionally (those mud pies looked so good!) or accidentally. And guess what? Those kids hardly ever got sick. But today, parents are so obsessed with protecting their little ones against GERMS that they’ve made their spawn increasingly susceptible to the very nasties they fear.

Y’see, the way we build up immunities to things is by being exposed to them. That’s the theory behind flu shots, and the DPT shots little kids get. Give ‘em a tad of the nasty infectious stuff, and their little bodies learn to fend it off, should they ever encounter it again.

So a completely germ-free world, though impossible to achieve, is what most people want, and thus we now have the ultimate stupid product.

Now, I’ve mentioned this to some people, and they say, “Yeah, that makes sense.” I submit these people haven’t really weren’t listening, but were thinking about whether they should choose a Zagnut bar or a bag of peanut M&Ms from the snack machine.

But you are a thoughtful person aren’t you? So I ask you, HOW does it make any SENSE to have a germ-free pump that you are touching IMMEDIATELY with your hand before dispensing hand sanitizer into the other hand, which you are then going to rub with the other hand?

The point is that any germs hanging around on top of the pump would be dead meat as soon as you applied the sanitizer, wouldn’t they?

SEE WHAT I MEAN? It makes no sense. Except to a marketer who wants to find some way to charge more for a widely used product whose price has been plunging due to store brands’ incursion into the market. In the new product biz, it’s called “brand exploitation.” I call it “dumb consumer exploitation.”

Please don’t encourage this sort of flimflam by buying one of the danged things, okay?

Why should we build our personal brands? So when someone hears our name, they instantly think, “Ah, that’s the person who (does or is something specific).” Like, “Ah, Jane Frogge. She’s the one who helped my friend get a job last fall.” Or, “Ah, John Jantsch, that’s the guy who created Duct Tape Marketing.” Or, “Susan Gorman, she’s the one who pitched in to help with my son’s bake sale for Haiti relief.”

Oscar Wilde said, “The only bad publicity is an obituary.” But short of that, there are plenty of so-so or unfocused (even negative) “reviews” of you out there for people to hear, unless you’re consciously building your personal brand around positive attributes, accomplishments, or emotional values. What value can you be to others? That’s the question your personal branding should answer.

In this article, seven experts share their secrets for building their personal brands. Well worth reading.

On the other hand, I have a love-hate relationship with the word, “branding.” So many people use it to mean “a logo.” But it’s so much more than that. In this article, Josh Kaufman says “branding” is an overrated buzzword. But then he offers several tips as to how to improve your reputation, which is really what it’s all about.