Kansas City Freelance Writer Liz Craig

They say you always teach what you need to learn, and so I’m sharing below some things I’ve been taught and try to practice — not always consistently, I’m afraid — in the hope that these tips may be helpful to you.

It occurred to me that dating and doing business (two areas where I’d like better results) have a lot in common. How you think about yourself has a lot to do with success in both areas.

What's your inner radio station broadcasting?

Let’s say you become interested in attracting a certain client. You do a little research on the client’s business and determine that the two of you would be a good fit. So you start “courting” the client.

You call and ask for a coffee date, just to get acquainted. If it goes well, you’ll meet at the client’s office to chat with a couple of other people on his or her team. And if everyone gets along and feels there’s mutual benefit in joining forces, you’re off on a new relationship. One that you hope will be long-lasting and profitable for both of you.

But let’s rewind for a minute. Before you have a solid relationship, you have to start out on the right foot.

When you approach your potential match, whether a potential date or a potential client, the response you get relies in great part on how you come across to the other person. You want your first impression to be positive, of course. So are you putting forward your best self? Not a phony, over-confident, back-slapping self (“The Pusher”), but a confident friendly, open self (“Genuine Me”)?

Your self-image is based on your habitual self-talk. What you believe about yourself shows, and it will either turn people on or turn them off.

Think of your self-talk as a radio station in your head that broadcasts advertisements to yourself all day long. Tune into it consciously for a day. Make notes about what you hear. Are your advertisements pessimistic or optimistic? Do they constantly judge and criticize yourself? That would sound something like, “I look terrible in this outfit. My belly’s fat, my haircut is wrong, and I’m too short, so nobody will take me seriously. No wonder I can’t do better at (fill in the blank).”

Wow. Do something about the things you don’t like and can change, like the haircut and maybe the belly. But think about the “short thing” logically for a minute. You can’t change it anyway, so you might as well quit beating yourself up about it. Do you know of any short people who get taken seriously? Sure you do. Napoleon, Robert Reich, and Madeline Albright, just to name a few.

There may be a reason you don’t get taken seriously, but it isn’t your height. It may be because you don’t take yourself seriously, so you’re subconsciously cuing others not to, either. Identify what’s really going on. Remember, not all the ads on your radio station are true. In fact, most of the negative ads are either misguided or just plain wrong.

So where do you start rewriting the advertisements on your radio station so they support you instead of tearing you down?

1. Become aware of what you’re saying and believing about yourself.

3. Catch yourself in negative self-talk, and stop. (Some people recommend snapping a rubber band around your wrist whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively — and literally, snap out of it.)

4. Finally, let go of the negative thought and substitute something positive. Here’s an important point. Your mind can never think of nothing, so you have to give it something else to think about besides the negative thought you just booted out. Affirmations can help.

Did you know that whatever you believe tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy? Positive thoughts and beliefs can radically improve the quality of your life and your success in your business. So watch your beliefs, improve your thoughts, and enjoy a better future.

By the way, here’s a good article about self-talk and that familiar syndrome when we’re stressed — “awfulizing.”

Hi, I’m Liz, and I’m a recovering news addict.

I’ve switched from watching MSNBC at 8 p.m. to watching “Criminal Minds.” It’s all about a special unit of the FBI profiling and tracking down serial killers. Last night’s was about a psychotic young man who killed people and cut out their vital organs. Nice, huh? How’m I doing?

What is it about negative stuff that draws our attention? A wreck beside the highway slows traffic to a crawl, as drivers try to get a look to see if anybody’s hurt. The lead story on the local news usually features a field reporter standing in front of crime tape telling of a shooting that happened on that spot hours ago. The political news is mostly of the “gotcha” kind, less about substance than gossip.

So what’s so attractive about all this? Must have something to do with our lizard brains, the ones concerned about keeping us alive and safe. Only instead of warning us about the predator ahead, it’s slipped into overdrive and is actively looking for things to fear — things that have nothing to do with us, in parts of the world where we’ll never go.

It is important to keep up with what’s going on in the world, so when you go to vote, you know what’s at stake. But I’ve realized I need to cut out the egregious violence and nastiness on TV. I’ve recorded a couple of recent Monty Python specials and Wednesday’s episode of “Glee.” Come to think of it, “Glee” also has violence and nastiness. Check the TV section. Aside from cartoons and the Simpsons (a satirical show that happens to be animated), nearly everything has to do with violence, cruelty and war. Gaaah!

Take a minute and read this good article about what you let into your head. Maybe it will help you clear out the negativity.