Kansas City Freelance Writer Liz Craig

“The aim of life is self-development. To realize one’s nature perfectly—that is what each of us is here for.”
-Oscar Wilde

To realize one’s nature perfectly. What does that mean, really?

If you are active in the business world, you may wonder at times (or many times) whether this is really “you,” or who you had hoped you would be, sitting in the meeting playing Boardroom Bingo to pass the time. Or hanging out with people you really don’t like very much.

What is self-development? Is it achieved by winning awards, climbing the ladder to higher echelons in your company? Coming in first in your Corporate Challenge event? Climbing Mount Everest? Getting a tummy-tuck? Knowing the right people? Driving the cool car?

In my opinion, none of those things is going to help you develop your true self. To me, finding one’s true nature is an inside job. How could it not be?

If you are focused outward, looking for symbols of success or things to make you happy in the world, it seems to me you never will be happy. Isn’t it true that once you get that shiny new thing you had been after, thinking it would make you happy, it quickly loses its luster, and you have to think of something else to go after?

I heard an author the other day say, “The more things you have, the more things you have to take care of, and the more tension it causes.” Having had a house full of stuff for 12 years, which I then pared down to move into an apartment, I can tell you it’s true. The stuff accumulates, and it becomes a burden. This author said, “The things you own, own you.” True, true.

But self-knowledge is something that never piles up and becomes a burden. Instead, it makes you feel lighter and lighter. Because you can let go of all the stuff that really doesn’t serve you and really doesn’t matter.

Why should you devote yourself to doing the real work of self-development? Let me ask you this: Do you think you know yourself? Or are you too busy to notice who you are?

That seems like a strange question, I imagine. A lot of us are extremely busy because we have jobs, families, hobbies, friends, and whatever other things we’re required to spend time on. Who has time for self-development?? But even in an extremely harried life, I contend that if you can’t take five minutes to simply BE, you are short-changing yourself by neglecting to at least form a friendly acquaintance with yourself.

Years ago, I took the Silva Method of Meditation, which is a terrific course. In fact, I took it twice. Once you’ve taken it, as long as you keep your card proving you are a graduate, you can take it as many times as you like. The course teaches you how to enter the alpha state of awareness, then to go one rung deeper, to a place where you find the answers your inner self has to the questions you ask.

In the Silva course, our instructor (a Franciscan monk who was a hoot) reminded us to practice for at least a few minutes daily. “Five minutes is good; ten minutes is very good; fifteen minutes is excellent.” And then, “Once a day is good, twice a day is very good, and three times is excellent.”

I’m afraid I’ve let myself slip a bit since I first took the course. But when things get hairy, or when I’m experiencing negative emotions like worry, anger, or depression, nothing helps calm me like meditating the way I was taught.

You don’t have to take the Silva course to know how to meditate. There are a lot of books out there, and a lot of classes, on how to do it. But you don’t need any of those. All you need is five minutes and a quiet place with dim lighting. Get comfortable, preferably sitting (so you don’t doze off), keep your hands open and relaxed, close your eyes, and either focus on the breath coming in and exiting your nose or focus on a word, like “peace.” Just keep breathing in and out and try to maintain your focus. Your monkey-mind will be jumping all over the place, and when you notice you’re thinking about dinner or a book you’re reading, or an itch on your neck, you gently bring your mind back to your breathing or your word.

Five minutes at work is doable, isn’t it? At home, you may find more time. And for something that’s free and easy, it eventually yields great results: calmness, less being caught up in the crisis of the moment, more insight into who you truly are, and more compassion for others in your world. Honest!

I don’t know if Oscar Wilde meditated, but it’s clear he understood there is a real self we all have, and when we learn who we are and live as we truly are, instead of living up to someone else’s idea of who or what we should be, then we can be truly free.

Try five minutes of simple meditation, and even if it’s hard to keep focused at first, you’ll get better at it, and then you’ll not only feel better, but you’ll know who you are. And you’ll probably like you!

Here I am, a proofreader and editor, as well as a writer, apparently misled by those nice lady English teachers all these years about what proper grammar is. It’s okay to boldly split infinitives? It’s okay to ask where this shipment is to go to? Good grief!

The ground beneath my feet isn’t exactly shifting, but some parts of my brain are; the parts that absorbed what apparently is false information about proper English grammar. Just take a look at this brief article. The Smithsonian is always right, so it must be so!

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/Most-of-What-You-Think-You-Know-About-Grammar-is-Wrong-187940351.html

But boy, sometimes I wish there were!

Have you noticed that these days, everyone from “Fresh Air” host Teri Gross to the third-grader next door is starting sentences with “So…?”

Several years ago, when I first heard a biology grad student do it, I thought it was cute and kind of funny. I mean, it sounded as if she were continuing a conversation, rather than answering a question. The first few times you heard it, it jolted you awake. Wakefulness is always a desirable state to be in, unless you’re an insomniac. But then it became annoying. In my mind, “so” belongs in a sentence where it means one thing is a consequence of another. For instance, “His home blew away, SO he was homeless.”

But as the first word in a conversation? “So…” has gone viral, or become a meme, or *something*, and I tried to figure out why. Perhaps people don’t want to be interrupted or thought dumb, so instead of “Well” or “Uh,” they say, “So…” to alert you that they’re about to say something.

Also, how many times lately have you heard a politician or interviewee on TV or radio say, in non-answer to a question, “That’s a great question?” Every day people at City Council meetings are even using it. Good grief, if all the questions people asked before someone said that actually *were* great, fine. But the phrase, repeated several times during an interview or conversation, is not a reflection of the quality of the question. It’s just a speed bump, a breather, a two-second “think of plausible response” tic. “Let me think a second” would sound as if you didn’t know the answer. “Hmm” or the formerly popular “Y’know…” are out of fashion. It seems everyone’s doing the “great question” dodge these days.

As long as I’m griping about grammar here, the most recent thing that I dislike, even more than anchovies (ugh), is “change up” or “change out,” when “change” alone will do. A person says they’re going to “change up” their workout routine. Or they’re going to “change out” one light bulb for another. My solution: Out with the “out” and the “up.”

Finally of course, there’s the ubiquitous “snuck” instead of the perfectly good “sneaked.” Recently I heard someone use “sneaked” as the past tense of “sneak,” and I wanted to hug that person. But the trend is toward “snuck.” Even the OED people have no problem with “snuck.” I question their standards. Question: If your sneakers are worn out, is it okay to say they are “snuckered?” Oh, well, maybe I’m stuck in the 19th century, but I cannot make myself say “snuck,” especially since it’s an ugly, blunt word. Yes, words do have shapes, and some sound lovelier than others.

What other words annoy me? Say, that’s a great question! So… What words or usages drive you up a wall? Let me know, so I can start using them on people who say “snuck!”

“There is no excellent beauty, that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.”
-Francis Bacon

That’s a tweet I posted this morning. It’s a strange one that I didn’t quite “grok” right away. But when I thought of a project that required screening beautiful women for work as a principal in a TV commercial, I got it.

Casting for a TV commercial usually begins with looking at lots and lots of photo “head shots” of models and actors. Out of those, you choose the ones you think have potential to fit your need, and if they’re local, you invite them in, so you can see them in person. Heck, they might be photoshopped to look beautiful. You’d want to know that before hiring them.

We selected three or four women to come in for personal interviews, all of whom were beautiful in their pictures. But in person, what a surprise! Were these the same women we’d selected?

One model’s face actually looked a bit misshapen. The two sides didn’t match. Another one’s nose seemed a size too large for her face. The third looked just plain homely.

These models didn’t come in without makeup, looking as if they had just fallen out of bed. They were made up to look as pretty as they could — in person. And they certainly didn’t look like candidates for Miss America. But soon, I was to learn something valuable.

When we did video auditions with our candidates, these women revealed their true beauty. In a magical way, it is true that the camera loves some faces. These rather ordinary-looking (or even peculiar-looking) women became lovely and engaging, even fascinating, in the eye of the camera.

So I understand what Bacon meant in that quote. Now I try to look at every person through the eye of a transforming camera. You’d be amazed how much more beautiful they all look!

Do you ever furrow your brow and chew your pencil (What’s a “pencil” these days?) about whether “which” or “that” is the proper word to use in a sentence? You know there must be some rule besides, “That sounds funny.” But you’re still all at sea.

Well, fear not, there is a rule, or rather, a tricky difference between a “restrictive relative clause” and a “non-restrictive relative clause.” I can see your eyes glazing from all the way over here, just as they did in English class. Well, don’t fret. This isn’t a big deal to learn.

Take a look at the following two sentences:
• He returned the book, which was due.
• He returned the book that was due.

Both of these sentences are correct. In both these sentences, the “which” or “that” was introducing a “restrictive relative clause.” That’s a clause that gives you important information about the noun before it. The meaning of the sentence would be different if you left out that clause. Restrictive relative clauses can kick off with the words that, which, whose, who, or whom.

But there’s another type of relative clause, a non-restrictive relative clause. You could think of the “non” as the beginning of “non-essential,” because even if you left out the clause, the meaning of the sentence probably wouldn’t change much. Non-restrictive clauses can begin with which, whose, who, or whom. Using “that” to introduce them is a no-no.

Examples of sentences with proper usage of non-restrictive relative clauses:
• She watered the plants, which made the leaves damp.
• A GPS would have made it easier to navigate through the neighborhood, which had few street signs.

The giveaway that you’re looking at a non-restrictive clause is a comma before the “which.” There is none before a restrictive clause.

Examples:
Non-restrictive: He bought her a ring, which he slipped into his pocket.
Restrictive: He slipped a ring that he bought for her into his pocket.

Examples of incorrect usage:
• Here are the papers which you need to sign. (Use “that.” Or neither “that” nor “which.” It’s clear what the sentence means without either.)
• Here are the people that signed up for the class. (Trick example. Always use “who” for people. This would be a restrictive clause, because what comes after “that” or “who” is essential information.)
• She was defrosting the fish which she wanted to cook for dinner.”
(Should be “that.”)

There may be some sentences that stump you about “which” or “that,” but if you’re really stuck, sometimes the easiest answer is to rewrite the sentence to eliminate the problem. Tricks of the trade, m’dear. (wink)

Recently, I joined a writers’ meetup. It’s fun hearing other people’s writing and offering words of wisdom to newbies.

A newbie writer is like a new puppy, all bounce and go and eagerness. Arf! And like a puppy, the newbie writer doesn’t know any rules yet. He or she is just chasing after every butterfly of an idea, wild with the feeling of being FREE!

I love freedom. I love new ideas. Nothing wrong with being excited about your work, and eager to share it. Most experienced writers are gentle with newbies, as anyone would be with a new puppy. But there comes a time…

Unbounded enthusiasm and rules-free writing can be exciting for a new writer, but the grim truth is, if you’re going to write things people actually want to read, you’ll need to follow some rules.

One thing the aspiring writer must know how to use is contractions. To a sensitive reader, every misplaced apostrophe or misused word is a mild shock. It disturbs, it frustrates, it just plain makes some readers mad. So here are a few contractions any writer worth his or her salt ought to know.

Your/you’re

• “Your” is possessive. Proper usage: “Here is your coat.” The coat belongs to “you.” It’s “yours.” No apostrophes in sight.

• “You’re” is a contraction for “you are.” Think of that apostrophe as a miniscule “a.” “You’re a sweetie.” That means, “You are a sweetie.”

They’re/their/there

Oh boy, these three words trip up a lot of people. But an artist of words must master these. Let’s take the easy one first.

• “They’re” means “they are.” Remember the bit about seeing the tiny “a” in “you’re?” Same thing here. “They are leaving.”

• “Their” means “belongs to them.” Like “our” or “your.” “Their toys were rusted.” “The toys that belong to them were rusted.”

• I don’t know how “there” even got into this mix. It’s a completely different kind of word. Its mate is “here.” Use it to indicate where something is. “It’s over there.” “There is my hat.”

The final one for today is…

It’s and its

• The apostrophe in “it’s” also stands for a tiny letter, but in this case, it’s “i.” So “it’s” means “it is.” “It’s your turn.” “It’s easy to learn this.”

• “Its” is a possessive. Example: “The cat licked its fur.” “The cat licked the fur that belonged to it.” “The Foundation named its 2013 grantees.” Well, the grantees don’t actually belong to the Foundation, but it’s not a he or a she, so when “it” does things, you’d use “its.” I know, a cat is either a he or a she, but sometimes, we don’t know or care which. How did I get into this mire? Lemme out!

There are some non-existent contractions people use, like “her’s,” but of course, you know that “her” is already a possessive (as in “her coat,” “her hair,” and so on), and if you want to refer to something that belongs to her, you would say, “That shoe is hers.” You wouldn’t put an apostrophe in “his,” would you? So don’t do it to “hers.”

All this stuff is easy, right? Right! And yes, you do have to memorize the correct usages if you’re going to write something others will read, whether it’s a Post-It note, an e-mail, or a novel. Okay, then. Go and write it right!

P.S. I know I should have said, “Write it ‘correctly,’ but “right” just sounded, well, right!

Do you really need an old-fashioned landline phone? Lots of people have ditched theirs in favor of cell phones. But is that the right way for you to go? It depends. Here are a few things to consider when making that decision.

• If you have older people or kids in your home, they may not know how to use a cell phone (or, in the case of older people, may not wish to learn). Also, if you have babysitters or others around who don’t have their own phones, you might want to keep the landline.

• Another point in favor of a landline phone is that in an emergency, if you call 911, the operator will quickly be able to determine your address. Seconds can make a big difference in the case of a health emergency or a break-in.

• With a landline, you can have extension phones throughout the house. And let’s face it: you’re more likely to lose a call with a cell phone when you forget to turn it on or turn off “silent” mode, or leave it in the car.

• If all your friends, family, and clients or other contacts have known your home phone number for years, it’s risky to shift to cell phone only. You might lose touch with people you don’t talk to often, distant relatives, long-lost friends, or people looking to hire you for a project (a concern of mine, as a freelancer).

So what’ll it be, cell phone, landline, or both? Maybe there’s another choice for you. I just learned about Verizon Wireless Home Phone Connect, a wireless device you plug your home phone into, which is an extension of your wireless package. I’m not pushing Verizon, but I always am looking for a cheap phone deal, and with this, your phone service could be a little as $9.99 a month. It may be worth looking into. Especially if you’re the kind of person who wants to have your cupcake and eat it, too.

When I’m stuck for hours at the computer, I set a timer for 30 minutes. When it dings, I get up and jog 500 or so steps around the apartment. I probably look crazy, bouncing around waving my arms and moving my head from side to side. But it’s vital to my mind and body that I take those breaks. Here’s another piece of “take a break” advice in infographic form:

Attribution: OnlineBusinessDegree.org

If you are a cubicle critter, I empathize. Nothing to look at but your three and one-half, neck-high “walls” every day. Not even a door to close for privacy. In a previous life, I was a cubicle-bound writer. Now I’m allergic to those things. Not writers, cubicles.

I well remember how boring it got being cooped up in my 40 square feet. It got so bad, even a required staff meeting sounded like fun. If there was no meeting, I would take a trek to the restroom, coffeepot, soda machine, kitchen, or someone else’s cubicle, where I would try to strike up a conversation. I think I annoyed some people who were trying to get work done. Could those “Go away” signs have been meant for me?

Well, I did go away, and today, I work in my own home office. I still take those walks during the day, but in addition, I set a timer for 30 minutes, and when it dings, I jog 500 steps around the apartment, waving my arms around, bobbling my head around, doing the twist, anything at all to get the blood flowing and my mind ticking.

That’s all for good health, because they say if you sit for more than three hours a day, you’re shortening your life by two years. Can you choose the two years? Probably not.

For mental health, you need some stimulation, too. Fortunately, I have pets. Mousie Cat isn’t much help in that department, since he sleeps all day, starting right after breakfast. But my two parakeets, Buster and Alice, are a riot to watch.

Alice, the baby, is a daring acrobat. I’ve seen her do a 360 on the perch. How, I don’t know, it happened so fast. Like most babies, she chews on everything. The cage bars, the mineral block, the seed cups, even occasionally on the toy made of stringy things and beads I bought for her to chew on. She and Buster, the senior bird, chortle and chatter all day long, feed and preen each other, chase each other around, and put on a constant variety show. They don’t keep plates spinning on long sticks or anything, but I’d say singing, dancing, doing acrobatics, and being clowns makes for a pretty good show.

If you’re a freelance writer or designer, and you get bored working by yourself, I suggest a couple of parakeets. They’re inexpensive to maintain, and they’re a live zoo exhibit right in your office.

When you’re writing an ad, some website copy, a brochure, or even a letter to a friend, and you’re stuck for a creative idea, all you have to do is bird-watch for a few minutes. Those birdies will keep you sane, believe me!

Back in the cubicle days, I had a cockatiel. I brought him (Jou-Jou was his name) to work, and everyone in the agency came by to look at him, talk to him, and hear him peep. He loved people, too. Personally, I think every office space should have birds. It’s become a fad for ad agencies or design studios to have dogs, but I say birds are 100 times better. You don’t have to take them out for a walk or scoop their poo, they don’t drool on your computer or hump your leg, and if you are able to spend some quality time with them, you can teach them tricks that are every bit as cute as dog tricks. Even cuter. And when they vocalize, it’s music, not barks.

Yes, I say. Writer, designer, or other freelancer, get thee to a pettery, and get thee some birds! But in the meantime, tell me how you stay sane at work. What do you do to relax, re-energize, and keep from either going to sleep or going postal?

Occasionally, I get an e-mail from someone wondering how they can learn to write, or how to become a writer. They want me to tell them. And I really can’t. To someone who has had the urge to write since childhood, to someone for whom writing is as essential as oxygen and food, the question is puzzling. How do you learn to breathe and eat? Well, you just do. You have to in order to go on living.

Today, instead of meeting the young man for coffee, as he had suggested, I decided to write a brief response that comprised all I can possibly offer on the topic of “how to learn how to write.”

In his e-mail, the young man had indicated that college recruiters and the Web had not been helpful to him in figuring out how to learn to write. From the spelling and style of the e-mail, it seemed that a little formal training would help, as well as a working knowledge of Spell-Check. Anyway, here’s my response:

Dear _____,

I don’t know how to tell you how to learn to write. But one thing I know is that most writers start out being voracious readers. Read books and short stories and poems by great writers, and good writing will soak into you. Read everything, from ancient Greek plays to Charles Dickens’ novels to modern short stories.

Not all writers are schooled in writing, but most are. Formal learning, in a Composition or Exposition class in college or at JCCC, is an excellent basis for beginning to be a writer.

There are also books good writers have written about how to write. Stephen King has written at least one. The Elements of Style is a Bible of good writing you should read. There are many others, of course. Seek them out at the library.

Start writing. Even if what you write is terrible. And of course, it will be at first. Don’t let that stop you. Keep on writing and reading, reading and writing. Take English courses, literature courses, history, art, etc. Everything you learn will help you as a writer.

Pay attention to what’s going on in the world, and especially, in your world and inside you. Be observant. Write about what you see, hear, smell, taste and feel. Keep a journal. Write in it every day.

Really, this is the best advice I can give you. Good luck!

Best wishes,
Liz